The Saga of Gulp-N-Blow

Heads up, folks. This one probably isn't going to be super funny. I understand if you bail now.

So, I currently have two jobs. I really like one of those jobs (which I'm just going to call DrugStore USA). DrugStore USA's is a really good company to work for. They treat their employees very well, they care about their customers, my insurance is amazeballs, I love my co-workers, there's a lot of opportunity for career growth, blah blah blah, I really like it there. Unfortunately, I can't quite survive on my current hourly wage. So I work a second job, as a keyholder for a women's specialty clothing shop. In an outlet mall. As I grow more and more disgruntled, I call this company more and more ridiculous names. It has a three syllable name, which is lends itself to mockery quite well. In the past three months, I've gone from calling it its actual name, to an identifiable variant with "barf" replacing one syllable, to Barf-N-Blah, to Herp-N-Derp, and finally Gulp-N-Blow. I am extremely mature and this is perfectly reasonable behavior for somebody about to hit 30.

Oh, man, where to start with how ridiculous this place is? I'm going to just start by telling about the exit of my former boss, who I'll call Marie. Marie was always a little spacey and difficult to talk to, but around November she started getting a lot worse. By Black Friday, she was completely bonkers. She was showing up to work hours late for her shifts. I normally close at DrugStore USA, so I was opening at Gulp-N-Blow a few days a week. Marie would show up late with such frequency that she was making me late to DrugStore USA. Again, I love DrugStore USA and am not willing to risk my job there for a shitty part-time job with no advancement opportunities, so I quit. Then I promptly panicked about bills, called Marie, and told her I'd stay on the condition that I only worked Wednesday mornings (Wednesday being my regularly scheduled day off at DrugStore USA). It worked out well, because the other keyholder is in school all day Wednesdays and we needed somebody to open on Wednesdays. So yea! With this arrangement, my cable bill's paid, plus it's some extra money for groceries!

So Marie kept getting crazier. It came to a head on a Saturday night in February. Marie went out for a cigarette around 3:00, leaving two associates in the store alone (this itself is a violation of company policy and common sense - there should always be a member of management staff in the store). She just didn't bother to come back. The associates ran out of small bills and couldn't access the safe to get change, so they began turning away customers who could only pay in non-exact cash. They took turns calling Marie's cell phone, to no avail. Six hours after Marie left for a cigarette, it was time for the store to close, so the associates locked the door from the inside and left. They were unable to make a deposit because they weren't trained and didn't have access codes to complete end of day functions in the computer. The next day, the keyholders decided it was time to notify the district manager. Now, the districts for the company are insane, and the district manager was based over 800 miles away. So the district manager, who I'll call Jenna, hopped on plane and arrived at my store Monday morning to terminate Marie. Marie showed up three hours late, stoned off her ass. Couldn't hold her head up, couldn't speak in complete sentences, was just completely incoherent. So Jenna sent her home and told her to come back on Tuesday morning so they could finish their conversation. Marie never returned. Never signed her termination papers, never turned in her keys, nothing. And because this is a terrible joke of a company, the locks weren't changed and the safe code wasn't changed. So brilliant.

Our assistant manager, Renee, has been out on medical leave since November. So a 19 year old keyholder was acting as de facto manager until corporate started sending visiting managers out. Having management experience, I applied for the store manager job, as did the 19 year old, who I'll call Katy. We had two co-managers (Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Bitch) fly out from the other side of the country to conduct the search for our new manager. They rushed through my interview, wouldn't allow me to answer questions, and kept talking through the interview about how they were going to go a large department store and all of the things they wanted to get. Katy's interview was scheduled shortly after mine. They just completely forgot about her interview. The next day, I went in to Gulp N Blow before work at DrugStore USA, because we were short staffed and I was helping out. I was supposed to work 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. so I could get to my real job that I care about. 10 a.m., Tweedle Dumb called to say she and Tweedle Bitch were running a little late (yep, already an hour late). The two of them came flouncing in at 12:30p.m. with a bunch of shopping bags from stores in the mall. That night, I e-mailed the regional manager and withdrew my name from consideration for the store manager position. It was obvious to me that this ridiculous crap was deemed acceptable in this company's corporate culture, and I want nothing more to do with this company.

While Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Bitch were in town, I badly injured my ankle. I called off from work the day after they decided to show up three and a half hours late so I could go to urgent care and get my ankle X-Rayed. When I returned a few days later with my note to be off from work for a week, Tweedle Bitch said she had called me several times over the recent days. I did, indeed, receive a call from her the day before, but no others. So I said "I never received the other calls." To which she nastily said "Well, we have voicemail confirmations, so obviously you did." Seriously? Seriously, Bitch? Did you just accuse me of lying? About something as stupid as a voicemail? A) I don't fucking lie. B) Yeah, that's the way to treat your employees. It's a proven fact that being extremely disrespectful and calling your employees liars is the best way to achieve productivity. Oh, wait. Sorry, had that wrong. The exact opposite of that.

So, new manager comes in (we'll call her Andrea). She keeps asking me about my availability, which I'm holding firm on. I can work 9 to 5 on Wednesdays through Memorial Day, and then I'm not sure what will happen, because Wednesdays will become mandatory for me at DrugStore USA. This was not a condition of my being hired, but it was a condition of me not quitting six months ago. I've been stating to this company for six months that I am available Wednesday mornings until Memorial Day. Fucking period. This has stopped now, but for a while Andrea was calling me every day "What's your availability this week?" Same as it has been. Pay the Hell attention. So I'll go to work and there will be piles of clothes in various places in the store. Boxes torn open and half emptied. Rolling racks with tons of merchandise on them. And absolutely no notes or attempts at explanation as to what the Hell this stuff is there for. Oh, there's clothes on a rolling rack? Are these being marked down? Back stocked? Just put out on the floor? Set on fire? So I find things to do throughout the day, trying not to mess up the unexplained projects that were left in progress. Basically, what I'm getting at is that the store manager is making absolutely no attempt at communicating with me, despite my requests for her to do so.

Now Katy, the other keyholder, is on break from school, so she has totally open availability. Andrea is scheduling Katy to open on Wednesdays. So I didn't work at all last week and I'm not on the schedule for this week. Trust me, I don't want to be there, but I do want to not starve to death.

Basically, it's obvious to me they don't want me there. Cool. I don't want to be there either.

I'm about to get promoted at DrugStore USA. That promotion will come with a 45% raise. So obviously I'll be quitting Gulp-N-Blow the minute it's official and I have it in writing that the promotion is actually happening. We expect that info to be made official this week. So here's my thing. I don't think I need to give notice. I haven't been scheduled for two weeks, so obviously, Gulp-N-Blow can function without me just fine. They clearly don't want me there. They've shown no respect for me, and I really have no desire to show respect for them. I'm about to be promoted at the company I intend to retire from. I have a lot of really good references from DrugStore USA and from past employers, so I don't need Gulp-N-Blow as a reference. With as unprofessional and rude as they are, I don't even want them as reference. I think if I offered two weeks' notice, Andrea would just refuse and tell me to be done. And I don't really want that particular slap in the face. I think I'd rather just turn in my keys and announce that I won't be coming back, then insist on having a photocopy of the key log for proof that I turned my keys back in (Yeah, there's no trust here). So, folks, what are your thoughts? Give notice? Don't give notice? Sell the keys on eBay?