We've established that I'm a fatty, right? And I don't care. I'm pretty, and I have fantastic boobs. The sporadic health problems I have aren't related to the weight. My activity is in no way limited by it. So recap, I'm fat and I'm cool with it. But that doesn't mean it's okay for people to say rude shit about it. And thus begins this rant about rude shit people say.
Where to start? Let's go with the most recent. The guy I've been seeing was keeping me company while I was running errands over the weekend. So we're waiting at the bank to go talk to a banker, surrounded by people, and he says "You look really good." Aww. That's nice. Thanks, Honey. "Yeah, you're really slimming down. You look a lot better." Aww. FUCK YOU, DICK. I have been working on my core, but not to lose weight. I actually enjoy exercising and my job is highly physical with a lot of lifting, so I have been working on strengthening my core. And that is slimming me down a bit as a result. Which I don't mind, but it's not the reason. But first, it's not cool to tell me loudly, in front of people that "Oh, here, I'm calling attention to an aspect of your physicality that a lot of people find unattractive," but I still understand that's coming from a good place and is meant a compliment. "You look a lot better" is where we're getting into "Fuck off" territory. "Oh you didn't look good enough while being happy with yourself, but now that you're a little less fat, and are becoming more traditionally attractive, you look better." Look, the only time it's not rude to say "You look a lot better" is when talking to somebody recovering from a major illness. Even then, not really cool. "Hey, remember when you were on chemo? You looked gross, but you look a lot better now." No. A compliment is "You look good." When you add an insult about somebody's appearance before, it stops being a compliment. "Wow, you look really good as a redhead. You looked kinda fucked up as a blonde." "Hey, your eyes look really good today. Thank God you found that eyeshadow, because your lids were just kind of crazy and horrible before!" "The new uniform looks great on you. That orange one made you look like a washed out zombie." Would anyone say that shit? No. So why do you think it's okay to say "You've slimmed down. You look better." Leave me comments. Let me know if this makes sense. I may need to elaborate. I told the boyfriend how he turned a comment that he may have meant in a sincere fashion into a back-handed, really offensive comment. He then got mad at me. "God, why can't you just accept and appreciate my back-handed compliment?" Because in a relationship, giving back-handed compliments, or "negging", is an act of emotional abuse. Oh, and again, fucking rude.
Another fairly recurrent thing. I genuinely don't know what to do about this one. I have a co-worker who always feels it's necessary to comment on what I eat. This woman is so skinny that her doctor has been telling her she needs to gain weight. She has all sorts of health problems that are directly related to how intensely underweight she is. Now, I have a few friends who are quite underweight. I can think of two off the top of my head who have been told by their doctors they need to gain weight. And neither of those people (one is male, one is female) are trying to be so thin. The male has been forcing himself to eat more and to eat things with higher fat content. But his genetic make up is to be extremely small. And he's comfortable in his body and so he looks great. The female is a little more self conscious about it, which is sad because she's beautiful. She has told me before that the term "skinny bitch" always makes her cry, because she tries so hard to not be so intensely underweight. She has Marfan Syndrome, which some scholars believe Abraham Lincoln had. This would account for his abnormal facial features and his long, extremely thin body. I don't believe in "skinny shaming" anymore than I believe in fat shaming. Your body's your body. And it's awesome. So back to this coworker of mine. She is extremely skinny by choice. And okay, good for her. That's a choice she has made, it makes her happy, so go for it. But every time I eat anything at work, she has a comment about it. If I'm eating pizza, "Ohh, you're eating pizza" in a really judgmental way. "That's bad for you." Yep. Sure is. Om nom fucking nom. But it's the same judgement when she says "Oh, you're eating yogurt." With a strong overtone of "That's stupid, what's the point, fatty?" It's just rude and unnecessary. Same when any cashier feels it's necessary to comment on the items in your grocery cart. "Oh, man, that ice cream looks really good" is fine. "Oh, my. Ice cream, cookies, frozen pizza. Someone's hungry!" Yep. And maybe someone has teenagers having a sleepover. And someone is definitely also buying a ton of yogurt, tofu, bananas, and snap peas. Would you like to comment on that part of it?
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