Future Self

I had a vision of my future self today.

You know the bitter old bastards who start ranting and bitching about people who don't speak English? And everyone just kind of lets them be jerks because they'll probably die soon and nobody wants their final interaction with somebody to be lecturing about rude behavior? Yep. That's gonna be me.

"But Roz! Wasn't your Plan Z to be an English as a Second Language teacher?"

(Note: This must be pronounced in the British way, Plan "Zed" and not the American Plan "Zee." Why? Who the Hell knows. Something about over-exaggerating the amount of frustration that comes with having my life plans disrupted so often and having 26 back up plans. It makes it sound more fatalistic, doesn't it?)

Why, yes. Yes, it was! I considered graduate school for a TESOL program. I tutored ESL. I enjoyed it. I love helping people learn something they're interested in learning, and most of my ESL students were genuinely interested in learning English. I appreciated their enthusiasm. And I don't mean I'm going to be a racist old jerk. I'm not going to tell Indian people who speak English perfectly well to go back to Mexico. I mean the obnoxious people who were born and raised in the States and just refuse to respect language. Or the people they're attempting to communicate with.

My vision of my future self occurred tonight at work. Two twenty-something Caucasian men with Mid-Atlantic accents came in. I did not get the impression they were joking or attempting in any way to be funny during the follow conversation.
D-Bag One: Where you at, Brah?
D-Bag Two: I be here!
D-Bag One: I finded it!
D-Bag Two: Tits!

My future self then busted out my Old Lady cane and whomped them both upside the head.